For most of you, today may be like any other day. For me, it feels like it is the beginning of the rest of my life. Let me explain. Have any of you ever felt like something in your life was meant to be, or everything was in its right place? I don’t know if everyone will have the pleasure of feeling that way in their lifetime, but for those of you that have, hold on to it. Never forget the sensation of how it feels.
I’ve lived 25 years and I would like to think that I’ve always been a driven person, and if I wanted to achieve something, I’ve never been fearful to work really hard for it. I think this goes for relationships as well. Relationships take work, and we mustn’t ever stop working or the relationship fails, right? For a 25 year old, I would say that I’m pretty inexperienced in the realm of relationships because I was never one to seek them out or feel like I needed to be dating someone. In high school, I never even had a boyfriend because I was so focused on getting prepared for college and staying focused on what was important to me at the time. My early 20’s, like most everyone, were filled with memories that leave me asking myself, “Taylor, what the heck were you thinking?” But none that leave me with the feeling of regret because I would not have ended up where I am, in this moment.
I’ve always been cursed by being somewhat jaded when it comes to relationships…and maybe that’s because I was never around enough successful relationships in my youth to give me hope that it could be reality for me. I thought they were the “lucky” few, although I’ve come to not believe in luck. I now see that they were blessed. Today, I am confident in saying that I am truly blessed. So, why is today unlike any other day? Well, let me go back about 6 years.
I was sitting in my college dorm at Baylor University, browsing music sites looking for some new bands to listen to. I came across a post about this new band, Sullivan, and I opted to pre-order their 1st album. Well, I didn’t love the album….it was the lead singer’s voice that I didn’t love….so needless to say I didn’t order their next album. I would receive messages from Brooks, the lead singer of Sullivan on myspace, just being friendly and letting me know when they would be in my neck of the woods, so I should come out to a show. I’m sure I responded, but didn’t dare go to any of their shows because my jaded self just viewed him as another lead singer of a band aka a MAN WHORE. My life went on, and somehow we crossed paths again on myspace in July of 2008. This time, maybe it was being more experienced in life & relationships, but we actually carried on a conversation. I was struggling because I was about to graduate from college a semester early and had no idea what the rest of my life had in store for me. Brooks & I became really close via texting, phone calls, and video chats in the months that followed, and I began to view him as my “ideal” guy. Well, he was going through his own stuff, about to turn 30, and wasn’t as great a friend to me as I thought he could be….so I kind of shut him off for over a year. I would hear from him every once in awhile because we had grown close, but I had a wall up and resisted any attempt at conversation. January 2010 rolled around & I was now in the middle of grad school and again, more experienced in life. He made his usual attempt at conversation, but this time I allowed it and it was much different. I very quickly felt the sparks and we had this chemistry like I had never experienced before. We were inseparable, as much as we could be being across the country from each other, and I began to fall for this guy. I had so many reservations and my jaded nature began to appear again because he was in Florida & I was in Texas. He was this really cool and handsome music producer with his own studio, and I am just a 22-year-old graduate student living with my sister and brother-in-law trying to get through school. It all came to a head in May 2010 when I made the scariest decision of my life: fly to Florida & meet Brooks. We’ve all been through this, but have had some sort of an escape. It’s a bad date, so what? I can leave at the end of the night….but with Brooks I would be a thousand miles away from my house and without any sort of control. Not only that, but I was fearful because these feelings we had for each other could all come to an end so quickly if the chemistry just disappeared in person. It would have been easier to not risk losing him, and continue our far away feelings for each other. I didn’t wanna do it, but there came a time where I had to tell myself that if I ever wanted anything that was out of my reach, I was going to have to take a risk, even if that risk meant something good or bad could come out of it. You never know if you don’t try, and I would much rather fail trying than to fail, never having tried. Long story short, I took a leap of faith, got out of my comfort zone, and I guess you can say the rest is history.
Here we are, 881 days later, thousands of dollars in airline tickets, text messages, hours of video chats, and countless lonely nights away from each other. I’ve learned an incredible amount about life, and myself being in a long distance relationship, and I will say that it’s not without its struggles. Of course, we have been down many rocky paths….sometimes the future not looking so bright. But right now, Brooks is in a U-Haul, moving himself and his studio to Texas. Holy cow, pinch me! This is what I’ve been praying for my whole life! You mean I’m not going to be a lonely & crazy cat lady for the rest of my life? Everything cliché about a soul mate, or someone’s other half, is exactly how I feel about Brooks. As LAME as this sounds, I truly feel as though I was born to love Brooks. (barf, I know…but it’s true) Long distance for nearly 3 years has allowed us to gain a greater appreciation for each other, and a firm foundation to build our relationship on. I’ve never known what it feels like to be able to see the person I love every day, but what I have mostly felt is missing him. Today is the beginning of the rest of my life because the hardships and struggles we have had to overcome are officially behind us. Don’t get me wrong, we will continue to struggle and have to work hard to succeed in our relationship, but his 32 years, my 25, and both of our many experiences in life, have brought us together, finally able to start our new journey TOGETHER!
I don’t mean to be sappy, but just wanted to be a reminder to work hard and never settle for less than you deserve. Life throws us curve balls, and we will go through times where we feel as though we will never see the light at the end, but it’s those times that make the really amazing ones extra special. If we didn’t go through bad times, then we couldn’t appreciate the good. Let life be an experience, not a burden or the cause of pain. Let down your walls because the walls aren’t only protecting us from pain and the bad, but they are also keeping the good and amazing feelings out. The moment I allowed myself to possibly feel pain, I opened the door to endless opportunities to feel joy.
PS: The 2nd Sullivan album is now one of my favorites, and I am Brooks’ #1 fan.